Breastfeeding advice. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Some is very helpful. Some constructive. Some advice-givers might mean well but may not be helpful. Some advice is downright harmful.
When I first started breastfeeding over six years ago, I received all sorts of advice. Most was helpful or at least well meaning. I was a new mom and really had no idea if the advice was good or bad until I had a few miles under my belt.
Not-So-Great Breastfeeding Advice
One of the worst sentiments I was told repeatedly is that breastfeeding is a magical experience. That it is just amazing to stare into the eyes of your little babe while he gets all of his nutrition from you – it’s the best experience in the world.
For me, it wasn’t. And expecting it to be all rainbows and butterflies and feeling otherwise made me feel like a failure. Did I not love my baby like other moms? Was I just not cut out for motherhood? Was I messing up my child from the first day?
We had our struggles. Baby struggled to gain weight. We struggled with latch. With postpartum depression. With severe anxiety. With postpartum thyroiditis. I am so thankful for a very loving group of moms I met in a forum. It was there that I received the best breastfeeding advice of all:
Never quit on your worst day.
I’m now two years into nursing my third baby. Struggles this time around have been few. I do enjoy breastfeeding more than with my first, but I still don’t do the “staring into his eyes” the whole time he eats. From time to time, yes. And that’s ok.
We’re in a unique situation where we are living in one state with my parents while hubby lives in another and works while we build a home. I’ve been having days where I want to throw in the towel. Days where I actually resent my little boy for needing to nurse when I would rather be spending a few precious moments with the hubby. When I admit to myself that I am feeling resentful, I feel like a bad mom.
The truth? This is normal. Most of the time, I absolutely love nursing my little man. He is growing so quickly but still needs that mama connection. When he nurses he becomes a baby all over again. Time freezes.
Though I’ve been having a string of days where I want to throw in the towel, I’m reminded of that advice. Never quit on my worst day. We will stop nursing when we are both ready. Until then, we’ll keep riding this roller-coaster called breastfeeding!
Take heart. Rough days will come. But you will come through to the other side! Just remember to not quit on your worst day. Avoid any regret. You’ve got this! We’re here to help!
What’s the worst breastfeeding advice you’ve ever received? What’s the best?
Sharing at My Joy-Filled Life.
I had A LOT of pain at the beginning with my first. One week in I was cracked and bleeding. Baby was gaining weight like a champ and all the medical professionals were telling me “the latch looks good” and I’d say “but it hurts” to which they’d reply “if the latch is right it shouldn’t hurt.” So not helpful. At the one week mark (with a goal of breast feeding for at least a year) I broke down crying to my mother-in-law. I just felt like, “I can’t do this for 51 more weeks!!” She suggested I not make any decisions in the moment when I was so upset and in pain and that I commit to a much shorter time, like 2 weeks, and then reassess. (Best advice!) Two weeks sounded like an eternity, so the next day when I was more calm I spoke with my husband and decided on 10 days, including the one that had already passed. 9 days later (baby = 2.5 weeks) I was still having pain but it was definitely improving. I also had finally spoken with people who had similar experiences to me and said their pain improved in 4-6 weeks. In the end I nursed him for 18 months, until I was 5 months pregnant with my 2nd and was hospitalized for pneumonia. The recovery from pneumonia was lengthy so I changed my mind on plans to tandem nurse and weaned then.
That WAS fantastic advice you got! I’m glad your pain lessened and you kept nursing! Congrats on making it 18 months!
Worst advice was from a friend that basically told me to not let my tiny bub comfort suck “she’s just using you as a dummy”. Took it to heart and did the whole let her cry to sleep thing when she was 3 months old. Biggest regret. We changed our ways over the next few months and found our feet again. Weaned 2 weeks ago, I’m 32 weeks pregnant. Was admitted to hospital with bleeding so have since weaned. But we survived blocked ducts, crazy numbers of sleepless nights, a breast abscess, serious aversion and most of pregnancy. She’s now 2 🙂